As she quiets, I could still feel, taste the pain hovering around her, hear the shuddering of her breath, the thunder of her heart, as if that my whole world.
I’ve always been told its best to get all the infection out, so I whisper, cautiously, not sure I want to know, “Did he….uhm, did he ever touch, uhm, Olivia?” I finally managed to get the question out.
“No, no,” as she pulls back slightly from the embrace, “He never mistreated her, doted on her actually. She could do not wrong. He may even actually love her. It’s really all that made any of it bearable, that and he was gone a lot.”
“I suppose he was just grooming her,” I say.
If possible, she pales even further, and noticing her reaction, I retort with a “What? Before he locked me in that safe and thru it in the Pacific, he said he’d be there to induct her into the program. So, obviously, he’d want her to view him favorably. What did you think I meant?”
“Oh,” she murmurs, “Nothing, nothing, I suppose maybe you wouldn’t know given, well, anyway, it has other connotations. That’s not important at the moment.”
She stands up from the awkward position we had been in, moving back to chair, but I stand as well, moving the chairs closer together, so we are no longer separated by the table, but facing each other from across a tiny wedge of the corner.
I sit across from her, sipping wine, before ordering another bottle. Our knees continuously brush, as there is no real room any longer to avoid touch, and I have always craved the touch of another person.
Looking into her eyes, watching her beautiful face for any hint of additional betrayal, I curse myself internally as my never ending search for conspiracy, before I ask, “Where do we go from here?” I pause, before adding, “for Livy.”
“Well, obviously, we need to get her into school.”
“I can’t protect her in a public school, but I can afford most of the private schools nearby.”
“Aren’t they expensive?”
“Yes, but I haven’t really had anybody to spend most of my money on over the last few years, and my ‘cover’ pays well.”
“Oh, ok. Probably has to be private anyway if she is going to keep racing, which is a must. Need to channel that energy somewhere.”
“Where do you guys want to live?”
“Well, I’d prefer to stay with you,” she’d pause for the slightest of intervals, “I mean, shit, at the base, you know what I mean,” and she’s flush, “Livy at the base. I want her at the base with you, which means we need to be at the base.” She takes another large drink of wine, brilliant interrogator that I am slightly amused at her being flustered, not a common site from my memories of Amelia. She takes another drink before plowing through the rest, “As far as the truth…..I want to handle it in steps. Before she can find out you’re her father she needs to know that Dryse isn’t. I don’t want her to find that out all at one. She’ll be upset. Upset that Dryse isn’t who she thought he was……upset that I lied to her. I don’t want her to attribute that to you, or blame you for any of this. It’ll have to have be a process. One that I am hoping you can be ok with?
I stare into those beautiful eyes, now large and glittering, from tears and hope and a dozen other emotions. I never could say no to her. I sigh.
“Of course, you can stay at the base. You’re family. As to patience, please don’t take too long. If there is one thing I have learned, its that you never know what will come tomorrow. Since I don’t even know if these, changes, prevent more children, I don’t want to miss anymore time with her. “
I grab her hand, “The longer you are at the base, the more risk she finds out another way.”
Last Dreams 