I sit at the back of the little plaza, watching the celebration unfold. They ignore us, for the most part, not overtly hostile, but not…..welcoming either. We are the family of their new high priestess to be, whatever they officially called the position, regardless of the magic, or maybe because of the magic, a tribe seeking the transition of power. Seeking to…..survive.
Their hospitality extends to celulas de monje and a pretty significant supply of food and drink for this party. If I’m honest with myself, the bare stone cells with sturdy but homemade furniture are way more comfortable than all the stuff I and the team had back at the base. Even my cover apartment outshines these guest rooms. And yet….their simplicity calls to me.
So I sit in the back of the celebration, and watch. When Bryce convinces Lala to dance, I smile. If the smile contains more sadness than amusement, who am I to begrudge him his choices. He’d been right, earlier. I’d left. Its not that I didn’t think about them, but I left. I’d been 16. I’d needed out. I’ve tried to explain since we left Australia, but maybe I’ve just been arguing with myself about a home and a family I wasn’t even sure I remembered correctly.
I’d spent more time now, as a soldier, a warrior, whether a mutated monster or after, than I ever did on that farm. I’d apparently been willing to sacrifice everything, and….everyone. Why should I blame him for believing I’d bail again, that I didn’t……mean what I said. I couldn’t even fucking trust what my memories said I’d done.
“You can’t just buy her love with motorcycles!” Bryce shouted.
The statement rang throughout the confines of Alliance Two. I’d argued of course, threatening to destroy the Spydercycle if gifts of motorcycles didn’t matter. Petty, of course.
I’d been enraged. I’d asked him to sit in the co-pilots seat so we could have a brotherly discussion. I guess it was at first. Me, the angry older brother, berating the younger. I was angry, I had no idea how to be a father, let alone to be one towards a teenage girl who didn’t know I was her father, who believed a snake had been her father this whole time. Then to pile on top of it, Bryce had the audacity to put her at risk. If he thought about it at all, he knew I’d never have said yes. I knew enough that a father was supposed to teach their kid, to protect them.
Yea, I was angry, and I was afraid. I was terrified of losing them, her. I’m terrified of losing Olivia, Shawna, Amelia, Mum. Just like I lost Bridgette. Brij, the toughest girl, and then woman, I’d ever known. The best combat pilot I had ever seen in my life. The best sister a brother could have.
Bryce just didn’t get it. Maybe I hadn’t, but by the time that flight was over I did.
“I want her with me, not training with Bryan, not at some boarding school, with me. Not to train, not to fight, just with me.” Whitley had smiled subtly when I said it. I had even started to tune out all the other options that the rest were debating. “I wanted her with me.” I wanted them all with me, but especially her.
Bryce had been right. I’d abandoned them and tried to buy their forgiveness with what money I’d had then. Just like I did with Brij. Maybe different decisions then would have….but it didn’t matter any more. I needed to be less like William’s father and more….something. I didn’t know what I was doing, as a father, as a son, as a brother, and certainly as a man who loved two women. But maybe truly admitting that was the first step towards solving it.
Something jogged me from my thoughts. Faint, but then the sound of cars coming up the 
mountain aroused me from my seat at the table.
I stepped even further into the shadows, and disappeared. I didn’t know who it was coming up the mountain. I didn’t really care. I was going to protect my family. All of them.
Last Dreams 