He regretted it as soon as it left his hand.  Mad as a cut snake. How the fuck was he supposed to compete for romanticism against a story of a proposal in space, viewing the Earth and saying whatever she wanted because he was a fucking Foster? So afraid when she said that he screwed it up anyway. Then argued when she basically said yes but wanted a proper proposal.  He’d thought that she’d been serious when they’d talked about kids a few days ago.

He deserved their hatred. The monster craved it. He was so tired of fighting it.  So he drank down the bottles of whiskey, regardless of their minimal affect again.

Later though William found him, and they worked on the new transportation device. He wasn’t sure how William could be so calm with the disaster he had made on a night of what should have been celebration. William deserved better. Everybody deserved better. Finally, he convinced him to go be with Stacey. William had been way more understanding than his behavior warranted. Somehow, they all thought there was something decent inside. Fools!

He cleaned up the the parts and tools. He’d started back towards their quarters but Amelia had been disgusted and they’d already fought before. Well he’d fought and she’d been patient. Some sort o’ ploy.

So he decided to run where he always did, where he could work with his hands and still be near the tools of violence that calmed him. Why does violence calm ya, hmmm? He recognized that whispered voice and shuddered in fear and joy.

The problem of course is that their, her, room was right beside it. Because that’s how he’d designed it when they moved in. He should really redesign it.  He’d been hoping…..well, what did it matter what he’d been hoping?  Take what ya want….  

He was standing outside her door, breathing in her scents. Again. Fucking again. He itched to open the door. She probably hadn’t even changed the code. Ya know she wants ya ta. She’s searchin’ high and low for what only ya can do. She likes it that way, and he watches the fingers grow and twist around her neck, tasting the metal of his tongue as she screams in ecstasy around him.

---

He shuddered awake, raising his head off the table with the disassembled Beretta.  Jesus, he was really losing it.  Yea, he’d walked by, but then he’d stopped in the shower near the armory.  Looked in the mirror long and hard before showering, shaving off the beard.  Who cares if it made him look younger than his siblings.  Why did he keep hiding?

“Apex?”

“Yes, Brett Anderson.” Her voice is cold, devoid of inflection. Great, he’d even pissed her off.

“What non-Alliance personnel are on base?”

“Stacey Graham, Amelia Brown, Olivia Anderson.”

“No unexplained readings.”

“Confirmed.”

“Can you open a com channel for me?”

---

“I know we aren’t supposed ta meet for the, well, second first time until tomorrow, I mean new first time, whatever Doc….This is Oliver, Brett, whatever bloody fuckin’ name ya want ta use……I can’t stop myself. I’m afraid I’ll hurt one of them. I know the dreams aren’t real but I….I guess if you could call me back soon I’d……uh. Thanks.” The sobs are choked.  He terminated the communication link. Fuckin’ god damn nobody is ever there when you need them.  Fuckin’ voice mail. Shrinks, brothers, lovers, friends. All fucking gone just because he got a little upset.

An average guy, leading an average life
He tried his very best, to always do what’s right

Crikey, she was playin’ the same song again and again.  Blarin’ it for him to pick up the hint of it through the soundproofing he’s installed in this room to avoid wakin’ her when he couldn’t sleep.

Some part of him knew that fuckin’ Apex recorded it. She recorded everything, every communication.  Supposedly nothing in the private rooms, which this had been designed as his sanctuary, so private, but he knew that was bullshit.  The fucking screens were two-way communication devices.  He fucking installed them.  They just weren’t on ever.   Yet nobody could fucking delete any data, purge anything.  They could ask APEX.  But he owned all the protocols.  Yes, the screens……why do ya need them here anyway. This is yer place.

Was he lookin’ for something to do?
Did he have something to say?
Or was he just trying – to run away?

While he was disconnecting them, the whispers start again. She’s got great taste in music.  Always did love this one. “I know, right, I knew she woul’ when I walked into that op shop.  Just knew it.”  Does she taste as well as her taste?  Definitely a spunk and a root rat too, ya always were an idiot.”

“Ghost, yer in charge of security an’ defenses.” Patronizin’ bloke isn’t he? Owns the world so sets the rules. “Except I’m only in charge if I do it his way. Which means I’m just a fuckin’ offsider to him. Always have been. Can’t be linked, oh no”…..which means it isn’t worth a zack because he’s so afraid of his creations. “Its fuckin’ yer fault ya piece of tin. I have nothin’….nothin’ because ya ruin it constantly.” He fires down the range again, in his mind the paper target looks just like the “forgiving” face who just fucked him with that proposal.

Right from the start his way of life was doomed
He kept his single life, locked in his single room
Nobody ever knew about it…

As he slams the weapon down and grabs another one, his engineered eyes glow yellow in the dark, as the receptors pull in all the light to enhance his vision.  “You fuckin’ did this to me, you put me in that fuckin’ pyschopath’s mind.”

Reality… Is only skin deep…..

“You fuckin’ put her in there.  I know, I fuckin’ know you fed on the horrors of her childhood.  She was in there all that fuckin’ time……and I betrayed her.  I didn’t see…..I left her there. I left her there ta suffer.  I’m so sorry, baby, ssssso sssssorry.”

Reality… Is only skin deep
He tried so hard not to act like a white sheep
He wonders why everybody thinks he seems so strange…
Well it really doesn’t matter when reality is only skin deep

“Ya made me believe I killed her, that I drowned my baby girl.” Yes, he made you choose. To have one you had to leave the other. To reach the spider, he made you give up the gleam.

Reality… Is only skin deep

Tears stream down his eyes as he fires over and over again at the same target.  “And yet I have ta watch ya have one……” The rich always sacrifice the poor.

It really doesn’t matter when reality… is only skin deep

Breathing heavily, sucking deep breaths, seeking control, which is why he’s here in his meditation place.  Just let go. Do what needs doin’. Its just not workin’, not at all.

He tried so hard not to act like a white sheep

Its pulling at him……deep inside and clawing out, no not clawing out, slithering its way out.  Some part of him just wants to give in, and that part is winning. Yes……come back ta me brother.

“No, yer dead…..ya have ta be dead.”  While talking he picks up the next gun, an F-88. An old cobber, if there’s such a thing.  Does he really have any?  Maybe they’re all dead, the real mates, the ones he got killed. Or maybe killed.”

But no one seemed to care about him
Nobody cared at all…

Does it matter anymore? No, they only died because they got in our way. Shot after shot, dead center head shots.  “Fuckin’ arsehole, tellin’ me what I want is unrealistic.  Fuckin’ takin’ my spot, my place……I want ’em ta be with me.  All of them.  I need them.  Ya don’t.  Ya never did.”  Our brother is the master of manipulations. “Instead they are all with fuckin’ ya, ya arrogant little piece of shit.” With him in all ways. They bend ta his will. Soon, in time, they will be lost ta ya. Ya must protect them from him. He lies ta yer face. Because he decides what people should want and it’s not ya. “Who cares if they asked ya……  I asked ya for help too…..but no, ya won’t help me on any of it…… Yell at me…….ta leave it alone.  Just because ya can’t have what ya want, ya take them from me.  What did I ever do ta ya? I fuckin’ promised her……I promised her, them, they love me, don’t they……ahhhhhhhhhhhhh,” he grasps at his head as blood poors from his ears and nose, some down his throat, choking. “When did I promise her……I left her after I kicked the shit out of Dad that night…..I told him I’d kill him if he ever……..but that’s not it.”

An accident, changed the course of his life
His whole world had changed in a single night

“I promised her I’d get Bryce out………. How the fuck did I do that? I never saw her…….but there’s a shred of memory…..an oath I swore.  I know there is.  Isn’t there?”  You promised ta come back for me. I’m still waitin’. Let go an’ return. His scream of pain and rage echo through the firing range, before he staggers to his feet, firing the full burst at the target.

An accident, changed the course of his life
His whole world had changed in a single night

“But every time, ya find a reason why we shouldn’t go get her.  WHY?  You know what I think…..I think yer a fuckin’ wuss.” Because he fears our power. We can stop him from destroying those we love. He destroys. “Changin’ yer name because of the Homes family……Fuckin’ Ellis Homes…….The things he SAID he did ta Brij…..She was so strong, even at twelve years old.  She just ignored it.” I knew ya’d take care of it. “I’m her older brother.  I’m supposed to protect her.  How do ya protect from lies?  I did the only thing I could think……I beat the holy fuck outta him.” Yes, I loved ya even more after that. 

An average guy, leading an average life
He tried his very best, to always do what’s right

“Then I broke every bone from his humerus down ta his pinky on his throwin’ hand.  I ruined his chance at rugby.  I told him if he eve’ thought of her again, I’d fuckin’ kill him.” My protecter.  They just want ya ta protect ’em too.  Gather them away from him. 

An accident, changed the course of his life
His whole world had changed in a single night

“And I’ve left her out there for years after I found out she survived.  Because of ya….” Yes he left me behind. Come get me. Please Brett, let me back in. “LEAVE ME ALONE YOU ARE NOT REAL” and he unloads a full burst at ten feet, some of the bullets richocheting and fragmenting into him, and the blood flows for a couple minutes and he just lets it drip.

He carefully sits his old mate on the table before picking up the M4A5.  “God damn piece of shiiiiiit.” He begins firing again…..”You said you’d help me…..ya promised you’d try ta fix me……One little memory ya found……a chopper ride with a blonde medic who wasn’t Amelia…….an’ then what….nothin’.  Really nothin’ or did ya hide it from me too?”

He tried his best to hide his face from the world
He tried to get away from it all

“Do I need ta beg? Why won’t ya help me……What do ya see in there?” She sees us an’ is afraid. “Ya help him…..Fuck ya and yer help…….yer the reason I don’t have her anymore……Yer fucking people……….” She doesn’t think yerr worthy of her time. She’s corrupted by our brother. Come ta me, I will explain it all.

“No!”He throws the copy of the M4A5 against the wall after the piece of shit jams again, shattering it into a hundred pieces. “Fuckin’ piece of shit ‘merican gun.”  He goes to the next table, picking up another old mate, the SL9M3.    He sights in on the perfectly coiffed blonde head lecturing, “Why did ya tell me……why can’t ya keep fuckin’ shit ta yerself.  She hid it from me……but ya told me to thrust the dagger in didn’t ya? Ta exact yer warped Justice for my trust in ya.  I shouldna ever trusted ya with my feelin’s.”

Nobody ever knew about it…
they never knew there was something wrong

“And then ya told me maybe their was hope………I believed ya….Didn’t ya tell me?….I’m pretty sure ya did.”  Secrets revealed when he wants ’em revealed. He pulls ’em from ya. Of course he influences Death, he is the Deathstalker and her power is Death. Justice is always gained in death. He slaps another magazine into the pistol, walking forward two steps, a shot, repeat, until he’s right in front of the target dummy Apex had helped him design a while back, and then he puts the last three bullets right through her eye.

Reality is only skin deep…..

His chest is heaving as he walks back to the pistol rack, selecting the Colt 1911. “Dad carried this.  Oh, well, not this one of fuckin’ course.  I don’t want anythin’ that malignant bastard touched.  Ya whine and whine about the fact that I left…..grow the fuck up.  The only regret I have is I didn’t fuckin’ shoot the bastard first.  Ya said he straightened up after I left, so fuck ya.”  Ah yes, our baby brother. All he wants is attention.  “Yea, I left….I was tired of the things he did.  To Mum, to all of us.  I beat the shit out of him that last night…..and still ya whinge.   HE STARTED DRINKIN’ AFTER YA WERE BORN!  YA CAUSED ALL OF THIS!!!!!”

An accident, changed the course of his life
His whole world had changed in a single night
He tried his best to hide his face from the world

He tried to get away from it all
But no one seemed to care about him
Nobody cared at all…

“Is that why ya did it?”  He can’t see through his pursuit of glory. It consumes him. Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam, Bam.  “Is that why ya took her out there a week after we got back.  Twelve fuckin’ years old……and didn’t even know I was her Dad yet.  Ya took her away from me…….made me the bad guy…..because I wanted time ta get ta know her.  Ta have one thin’ that wasn’t wrapped up in this abortion of an experiment.” He cares not for yer baby girl. A stepping stone ta his greater fame, to be thrown into the ocean when consumed. Bring her back ta me.  Stay this time.  Ya an’ her an’ me.

“It has ta be……ya said it, even if ya didn’t realize it. On the flight ta Argentina, ya screamed that there was no way I coul’ be a good Dad because I fuckin’ left my little brother behind.  I didn’t leave ya. I fuckin’ rescued ya. I hate ya so much because of that.  I hate so much that I have ta figure out a way to get around it.  So she can spend more time with her fuckin’ uncle.”  Do not despair.  Soon, her time will come….with ya. Bam Bam Bam. Bam. Bam.  Slide, click.   BAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAMBAM.

He pulls two of the combat dummies out of the corner, no, that one’s too fucking tall, that one is way too fucking short…..yea, those will work.   He’d never been accused of being a pretty knife fighter.   Brutal, efficient, thorough.  Brutal efficiency has a beauty of its own. The silent killer….The great predator.   Its why I sent him ta get ya.  Not pretty, and with the RFS Commando knife in one hand and a brand new, incredibly balanced switch blade in the other, there’s no style for that.

“Have ya ever tried to sssskin a ssssnake?  Eaten one……Well, I know ya’ve eaten one,” the broken laughter echoes from the walls as he sits with his back against the wall.  Yes, she wishes more of the serpents touch. His form is constantly shifting from normal visibility to blending into the shadows, as the dim light in the corner flickers, the scales fully darkened, the sibililant tongue extending outside the mouth, tasting the air, the golden eyes of the serpent flickering open and closed. Give them our tongue.

Reality… Is only skin deep

“I wasn’t sure why I kept this one……I had two when we left home all those years ago.  I guess I know now, it was yers,” and he holds the RFS Commando up as if showing it to someone.  “See, still has the emblem on it.  SAS……Still has the blood of that fuckin’ commando on it.  Never did take the time to clean it properly.  It was all I had left of ya.  My heart.” To clean it would remove the scent. Hers mingled with the man she killed. She hid her from ya….from us.  She sees ya…..and loves ya anyway.  She will come.

Reality… Is only skin deep

“Generally, switch blades are pieces o’ shit……do ya still have the one I gave ya after that first trip in Tampa? Sure dropped right in the dunny for that little fucker? Right before our first Christmas?  The one with the Snake pinned through the winged dagger, except of course the dagger’s not really a dagger, its a switchblade.” Of course she has it. It is of the snake, just like her tattoo, you have marked her. Reclaim her from our brother’s wiles.

Nobody ever knew about it…
they never knew there was something wrong

“No? Maybe……doesn’t matter I guess.  I had this one made for ya……it was supposed to be ready for yer birthday, but, well, obviously we took a detour through the bush after all those fuckin’ Anubis attacks.  And ya didn’t come home…..So, here it is baby,” and he holds it up, “See, it’s pristine titanium, blue and silver GS on one side of the handle, and a black an’ purple SP on the other with a small engraved Alliance symbol on the butt of the handle. 💚 of Alliance engraved on the extended blade.  My heart.” Yes, take it ta her. Today.

I said it really doesn’t matter when reality is only skin deep
Yeah it really doesn’t matter when reality is only skin deep

“This one’s better for skinnin’ the snake,” as he slides the RFS Commando along the thigh, slicing off layer of snake-like scaled skin.   “This one’s really just good for stickin’ into somethin’,” and he demonstrates by driving it into the same spot on the opposite leg. The snakes keep coming back though. Because we love ya as they should. We will share them with ya.

Reality… Is only skin deep

“I feel like there should be some sort of progress ta this, but its so jumbled up.  I mean, if it happened, but I didn’t know about it, did it happen then?  Or did it happen after when I finally remembered?” What is TIME to The Great Snake.

Reality… Is only skin deep

“Its kind of peaceful though right, gettin’ all the love and emotion out there for everyone?  Or maybe its hate and violence?  I mean, who can really tell anymore.” They are all one. “Who fucked who over?  When?  Does it matter?  Maybe.  I can’t even tell what’s real anymore?  I’m not sure I ever knew. I mean, are either of ya really even here?  Different hair colors, hell, different bodies, ssssuch sssweet and tasssty bodiessss.  Can a snake have two hearts?  Because you both have one……” We come in all sizes and colors. They will come with ya. “When I sleep, to be avoided of course, I dream.   Or am I dreamin’now?” Give yourself over to the dream so we can restore the answers.

Reality… Is only skin deep

The blood is beginning to pool under the legs, as he slowly raises one knife up, and then sticks it in one thigh, followed by the other. Yes, let us out to feast. We will bring ya yer rightful mates.

“You taught me that violence and sex together was……orgasmic.” Yes, she is right, more than she knows. More cackling laughter.

He tried so hard not to act like a white sheep
He wonders why everybody thinks he seems so strange…

“For both of us,” he pauses, “but you both accept, no, welcome the monster in ya, with ya.  Both of ya.  My hearts.  How can ya?” and now he’s crying, “How can ya want the monster more than ya want me?” They see yer true self. As do I.

He tried so hard not to act like a white sheep
He wonders why everybody thinks he seems so strange…

“I thought ya died……..and I thought I killed ya.” We return. We always return. Accept us and they will accept ya.  Welcome ya.  “Ya pushed me away……and I died, an’ the monster was born.” No, not born, freed. “Worse, I let ya push me away. I didn’t chase back. And ya suffered, suffered, and ya ripped the heart out of my dreams. Did ya keep it locked in a box? Ash…… death…… horror.  Ya kept HER FROM ME!” He screams into the darkened room. We will protect them from themselves. She knew.  They all knew.  They let ya go.  They all wanted ya gone, but she wants the snake back. 

An accident, changed the course of his life
His whole world had changed in a single night.

He tried his best to hide his face from the world
He tried to get away from it all
But no one seemed to care about him
Nobody cared at all…

“What we had……so intimate, so wrong, so powerful.   Then they took ya from me, and when the power exploded, when I bit ya, when I hurt you…….I killed ya……I killed us.  I thought givin’ ya my heart would save you..” The witches hate us. They desire our magic. “So I did what I promised………and then ya returned.  Then ya left me for them……for all of them.  I’ll hunt them…… But ya didn’t take yer secrets with ya……no, no……I had to find out……..” Do not blame her. She seeks the snakes only ya can provide. It’s our brother who interferes.

I said it really doesn’t matter when reality is only skin deep
Yeah it really doesn’t matter when reality is only skin deep

“Ya weren’t dead……and she doesn’t know me.  You’ve been brutalized…..and I’m horrified, and the monster knows ya got justice for the betrayal.  But I want ya back. More secrets……more……his child…..but yers…..loss and pain and bitter love.  I can taste it all.” The serpent should control the secrets, not the scorpion. The scorpion should serve the serpent’s desires. Yaare their true savior. Remove his skin.  Yawill see.  They will see what he hides.

Reality… Is only skin deep

“All I ever wanted was a family.  A real family…..my family…..our family.  Everyone says it can’t happen though.  Its delusional.” We just want our family ta rise again. We can have more than one mate. We always have more than one.

The knifes are splashing in the thighs as the wounds grow even faster than the body will heal itself.

“Why? I keep askin’…..I made my choice.  That’s fuckin’ hilarious……We each made a choice.   The irony is the monster an’ I are the same. YESSSSSSS.   Yet we didn’t make the same choice. Which one did ya choose?  I can’t tell anymore……Both, our halves need both……we need ta be complete.  How come nobody can see that? We love ya both.  We want ya both.  We NEED ya both.  WE want the children ya both say ya want.   Why won’t ya help US?” We must save them from themselves.

“They’re coming for us.”

“They’re my friends.”

“Are you sure?”

“YESSSSS!”

Then go ta them, my brother. Start with her. Ya know she aches for us.

---

He can tell it’s getting close to dawn. Training soon. Why is he over here?  He can smell blood, gore.  Is she hurt?  Did they hurt her? Livy……

He pounds on the door, spatters flying from his gory hand.

He recognizes the door.

“Help me…..please…..”

“Fuck off asshole, I’ve got company.”

“Please……please I’ve got to know.”

“Fuck a rolling donut.”

He pounds, desperation clanging with his strength against the sealed door.

She slaps the door control, revealing that while she is nearly naked, she is indeed alone here in the base.

Horror greets her. Blood pours out of the once beautiful left eye, a switchblade buried inside. The right hand is carved, fingers missing, no not missing, cut off, Slimy bloody serpents are entwined around the hand. The left hand keeps thrusting a bloody combat knife into the mass of snakes.  More daggers and improvised blades are stuck into the bundle.  He is half-naked as well, a pair of black fatique pants soaked in the wet blood running down his thighs, pooling in the doorway, trailing off towards the stairs to his gunroom.

“I…. just wanted to tell you how much I love you….Shawna,” but anything else he was about to say his garbled as blood pours out of the mouth, the tongue she enjoys so much hanging by a thread, bitten.  Ex*ep* eesh keep growi*** back. I cuuu ’em off a’ ‘ey keep growi”” back. Ca’ ya help me? “ey ‘old me ya wou’ help m’. ‘ey ‘ol’ me ya ‘ill luv me. ‘ey ‘ol’ me ya ‘ill wan’ my ‘ake’. ‘o ya wan’ ’em? Will ya hel’ me?” Blood spatter sprays every time he talks, but she doesn’t even notice the spray hitting her face and body. He lifts the snakes up, fluids dripping down onto the entry and spattery her pale feet. His knees begin to buckle.

She steps forward to catch him.  “What in the holy dick are you,,,,,,” And that’s when she realizes the snakes are his own intestines and she gasps….”Brett……”

“I ove ya ‘aw’a….Forever,” and he leans into her embrace as their blood begins to mingle.

---

 

He shudders awake, head and hands resting on his knees.   In the darkened hallway, he knows instantly where he is, the stairs leading from his gun room up to his former room. Breathing deeply, he tastes the currents carrying her scent, before standing and moving back down the stairs to the lower hallway, and then crossing the courtyard to where he hopes Amelia awaits him.

He enters the bedroom, breathing in, tasting, listening.  Even through the closed door, and the construction he has begun to widen the living quarters, he can scent his daughter and her injuries, not quite resting peacefully, as it has only been a few days since the scuba trip.  He walks quietly towards the bed, gazing down at the beautiful woman, asleep in the bed.  She’d been waiting, he could tell, more than he deserved.  Now sprawled on the bed, her nude body partially covered with a sheet, his arousal is instant.  He slides quietly into bed next to her, and she stirs, because she has not been sleeping peacefully.

“Brett?” Then she rolls back to her left, lying flat on her back and looks at him, now on his side.

“What’s wrong? What time is it”

“Near dawn.”

“Where  ya been?”

“Lookin’ for somethin’ I wanted ta show ya, that I need ta show ya.”  He pauses, “I’m…..so sorry about earlier.  I’m mad as a cut snake all the time.  Will ya still help me?”

“Yes,” as she places her hand on his check, “I’ll be yer rock.  I promised ya.”

He smiles, and says, “They said ya would,” before kissing her deeply, his forked tongue probing gently between her lips, until she gasps, “Brett…..Brett…..”

“I love ya so much…..Amelia…..” and he kisses her deeply, holding her in his arms as their blood soaks into their bed.”

---

 

“Nooooo,” as he wakes, clutching his head, and pounding headache behind his left eye.  He pauses, scenting the air, tasting gun oil, power residue, and his own scent.  He looks around his workbench, meticulously cleaned, weapons locked or disassembled, tools precisely in their spots.

He rises from the stool he’d been sitting on.  Less than an hour before dawn.  Not nearly enough for her temper to have cooled, but maybe she’d get up and go running with him, like they used to, long ago.

As he opens the door, and turns off the light, in the far corner, one slight drip, followed by another, splash against the floor beneath the rack of knives.