He walked along the top of the bastions around the base, before breaking into a run….trying to find the peace of mind that had led him through many a long march or pack march, or even a damn warmup of a ten kilometer run. Balance was automatic…..even along the wall parapets, although occasionally one crumbled over the years and he practiced falling into the moat-like section of ocean water below. Once, the result had been rather bloody and painful. Then the next day he always fixed the parapet. Three thousand, seven hundred and eight three feet. For him, three thousand, and forty nine strides in an unencumbered, distance eating run. At least according to the idiotic fitness tracker Henri got everyone for Christmas a couple years ago. Which died the same time he shattered the wrist that it was attached to in the bloody fall four months after that. There was a benefit to running like this at night by himself. Nobody ever saw him fall.
He hadn’t really found that level of peace in a long time……..not in over a year, no matter what he did. Not since they’d gone home to Australia. Although at times he wondered if he had found any version of it since he awoke in that godforsaken lab so many years ago. A lifetime now. What few memories had broken through of the time before, he doubted peace had been much of an option then either. Yet, he craved that knowledge like a man stranded in the desert craved water. He could see it, feel it, hear it; he dreamed of it, he dreamed of Bridgette. He dreamed of blood and death and pain; loss, he dreamed of loss. He dreamed of what might have been. He wondered if he had ever dreamed of hope.
He used to dream of blonde hair and sun-darkened skin marked with the scars of a soldier. Now he dreamed of purple hair and pale white skin that hid the scars within, a different type of warrior. Sometimes, he dreamed of them both…..a fantasy that never lasted long but….he dreamed of it nonetheless.
So of course the parapet on the southwestern most corner bastion crumbled seven miles later.
Four years ago……
“You should get some rest, son. Go home, sleep. I promise I will take care of her.”
The man sat in the chair next to the medical bed, his head bowed and leaning on the bed, his hands clasping the limp hand of the pale woman connected to all the monitors.
“Ghost….” the doctor cleared his throat, “Oliver, I mean, really, she will be fine.”
The sandy haired man gazed towards the doctor, but didn’t really see him. “Fine?…..She’s been like this for thirty some days, and she’s going to be fine?. I’ll leave when the team has another lead……maybe. She’d understand that……”
The doctor had seen a lot of haunted looks in his time. He was, after all, one of the foremost surgeons in the United States. Yet this one, combined with the dead voice, he shivered, before responding, “Very well, I’ll…..bring you some food later then.”
As the doctor headed towards the stairs, he glanced back, but the man hadn’t moved, and his eyes gazed into some lost abyss……..
The world was on fire and no one could save me but you
It’s strange what desire will make foolish people do
I’d never dreamed that I’d meet somebody like you
And I’d never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you
Several months ago…...
She kissed him deeply, roughly and his body started to respond, and all he wanted to do was rip her clothes off and make up for the months she’d been unconcious in that bed, 
weeks of it in some horrible mental prison.
“Baby…….Shawna, I have ta tell ya somethin’,” as he broke off the kiss.
“Later……the only thing you gotta do now is rip those clothes off and fuck me all day long.”
He grabbed what little honor he had……”No, we promised no secrets.”
She looked up at him, trust, love in her eyes, and he flinched. “Brett…..what is it?”
“I thought ya were dead…….Whitley said she couldn’t reach yer mind….that she didn’t know if……ya were gone. I…….I……stayed and talked with ya, slept in yer bed…..but…..I wanted ta learn about Olivia, which meant…….talking ta Amelia……..and we spent more time together and……” a deep painful sigh, “well….I…we,” he stumbled to a stop.
“Did you fuck her? Brett, DID YOU FUCK HER!”
He nodded slowly…….she slapped him, and then ran crying out of their room.
Maybe I’m crazy, maybe I’m weak
Maybe I’m blinded by what I see
You wanted a soldier but it wasn’t me
‘Cause I could never set you free
His eyes flashed open, reaching for the hand and then he pulled himself up onto the wave wall.
“That was a truly glorious fall….about as fun as the time we saw that john fall off the balcony of ta polly waffle on White Street….”
“Shut ta fuck up Brij, yer not here……Brant says yer dead as a ‘roo in the stew.”
“Well, baby brother probably knows……but so fuckin’ what? If I’m dead I’ll just haunt yer fucking snakey ass.”
“Better than nothin’, I guess. So…..here fer a reason or just here ta cluck at my fer no reason.”
“Ya know why I’m here, you idiotic drongo. Ya can feel it…..skin’s itching like a swarm of bluey’s skinned ya……Just do it here, quit whinging about it all the time. She already knows.”
“I know Shawna knows, but it’s fuckin’ bloody disgustin’, thats fuckin’ why. Besides, ‘melia and Livy don’t.”
“Ah……back to hidin’ again are ya?”
“I don’t know……she’s my daughter.”
“Right tough one from what I’ve seen…..’Melia did good.”
“I know……..”
“But…..”
“I asked ‘melia how……what Livy’d think if I told her. She didn’t know……..I mean, that’s ok, although I’d hoped fer somethin’ better, I guess. But…….she suggested tellin’ her on Halloween, like it was some fuckin’ costume.”
He continued, “I think she meant well……but, that was like a fuckin’ dagger to the gut. I just….”
“I don’t know……I always trusted Shawna…….completely. She shared her pain….I shared mine. I mean, maybe not everythin’, but…..enough. ‘melia….doesn’t. I……she doesn’t let me in…..she tells me about Livy…..but not about her…..not about……Courtney. There’s this big barrier……she’s always so……understandin’. Other than right at the beginnin’, she doesn’t get angry or yell or bitter or jealous when I’m bein’ a flamin’ dick. I’m beginnin’ ta wonder about my memories again…..its just so frustratin’ and I’m angry all the time.”
“So…..yer upset because the woman you claim ta have loved all yer life and has raised 
yer kid and protected yer family from the clutches of that rapist special agent and his bosses at the project is kind and understandin’ and welcomin’, while tryin’ ta help yer broken ass.”
“When ya say it that way, it sounds shitty, but yea.”
“Oh, it doesn’t just sound shitty…..but…..ya know, ya suck at sharing yerself……are ye doin’ the same to her?”
“I don’t….I mean, I’m tryin’.”
“I don’t have the answer’s big brother……especially since I’m not really here…..but, maybe if you’d pull yer head out of yer clacker and take care of the immediate problem…..the fact that yer skin is as dead and dried out as a cactus…….maybe ya’d be slightly less irritable. It’s past time.”
“I know…..spring back home……and spring here. Twice a year……still bloody fuckin’ disgustin’.”
“Brett……stop whinging. It just is.”
“I’d do it every week if it meant ya were home.”
“No ye wouldn’t ye lying….cut lunch commando.”
“Wow……no need to be rude.”
“If yer going ta do it tonight, shag off those bathers and swim out into the deep sea…ya know ya are feeling the changes……or did ya forget the battle at the hospital yesterday.”
“No…..I figured it was just ‘nother fuckin’ snake risin’ to the top and showin’ off. Didn’t have any control of course…….and I wasn’t hittin’ as hard as I used to.”
“Yea, by the way, ya dill whacker, the parapet didn’t crumble…..ya just fucking fell.”
He looked up……and sure enough, no crumbled section to fix.
“Brett…..go to the doctor today……tell him the truth…..quit talking to yer dead sister like I’m really here.”
“I don’t wanna let ya go, Brij.”
“Brett, stand up, please.”
Sighing, he did.
“Look at me…..” and when he looked up, he saw her, standing like the image he most remembered any more, flight uniform, helmet under her left arm. “Go get yer skin 
dipped, Staff Sergeant. That’s an order.”
Saluting, “Yes, Flight Lieutenant.” He smiled sadly. “This is the last memory I have of ya, sis.”
“I know dumbass, I’m in yer mind.”
Smiling, he stripped off his bathers and dove into the cool October waters of the Pacific Oean. A two-mile swim would be refreshing……..and he wouldn’t have to tell anyone else about his serpent-like problems, at least not for another six months.
Last Dreams 