I sat in the chair nearest the primary presentation node, the cold air of the warm room settling around me, waiting on the participants of the next briefing to arrive.  The risks…..the risks of loss were extremely high, but the chance of success, while limited, the rewards could be immeasurable.   I needed help.

“I can’t change the past and won’t sacrifice time in the present focused on it.  The time is now.”

 

---

 

“It’s about time.”  The older-looking man with a sarcastic but cheerful attitude stated.

“What do ya mean?” I’d asked.   

“Yer a bloody fool!” interjected the third.  “It’ll destroy ya…….and them.”

I just looked at them.   I wasn’t going to describe the plan again or the reasons.  They didn’t need to hear it more than once, and they fully knew the justifications, the goals. 

“Are ya in?  And don’t bloody fuck with me anymore on it.  Yes or no?”

Brant’s penetrating look lasted for what seemed like an eternity, but he wasn’t the only one with immense patience when necessary.  It had taken me a long time to figure out my plan.  Finally, Brant relaxed just slightly and nodded.

 

---

 

When he’d built this room, he’d proofed it in every way possible, but still his senses could feel the sounds echoing in the hall as the first pair approached.

The door slid open on the end of a question….. “sessions ta be reviewed, Brant?”

“Just have a seat, Amelia.”

“Alright, but we have plans in an hour.  I wasn’t expectin’ trainin’ on a Sunday afternoon.”

I watched quietly, unmoving as the mother of my child slide gracefully into the war room seat next to the table on my left, the light perfume I had bought her for birthday coating the clean tank and fatigue pants she had thrown on in place of the clothing she had already lain out for our outing tonight to the game complex we’d first went as a family, even if not all the family had known we were a family.   I had pushed all but one chair on each side back to the walls.

Slightly distracted, it was the scent of cloves that alerted me to the door about to open again, and then the laughter at whatever dumbass joke Bryce was telling her as they came in, her posture completely relaxed.    That changed of course as soon as she walked in.

“What dafuq?” she turned in outrage towards her new drinking buddy.  Unseen, Amelia’s lips thinned, before quickly returning to a pleasantly neutral expression.

“Just sit, Shawna.” Bryce said. She swirled around so angrily that her hair, brightly mixed between green, dark blue, and black, whipped around her face.

“As a favor to us,” Brant said quietly from beside the door as well.

“I can’t fucking believe…..what a bunch of fucking high school ambush bullshit.”  The brothers shrugged, sharing a look.

Then they both left quickly as the door sealed behind them.

I waited…..silently.

“I fucking hate you,” she said.  That took even less time than I had anticipated, although patience was not her strong suit.

“I know.  And I hate the fact that he still loves ya.”

Pleased yet suddenly defensive, “I haven’t done a fucking thing to interfere with your happy fucking family fantasy.”

Sighing, and slumping slightly, Amelia replied, “Not overt, but ya do twist the knife into him, don’t ya?”

“He deserves it!” The younger woman shouts.

“Maybe.  I try to take the pain away….and I know he loves me….but he still suffers.”

“Good,” she murmers, but glances away uncomfortably.

For a moment, rage flushes Amelia’s face; Shawna doesn’t see it, but I do.  It hurts me and yet at the same time, a flush of excitement flushes through me.  An unhidden emotional outburst.  One I wished she would let me see more of.  Hesitantly, she speaks, “I’m sorry.  I…..”

“Your sorry…..your sorry…..fuck you.  Fuck you and your happy home.”

“So ya do still love him then?”

“That doesn’t fucking matter obviously.”

“It matters to me,” Amelia replies quietly.

“It matters to me too,” I say even more quietly into the dead air as I consciously stop my inherent camoflauge with a slight focus of effort.

I catch the switchblade that Shawna pops quickly, and throws, but take the slap as Amelia reaches across the corner of the table.

“Ye fuckin’ wanker!”  “Fucking snake douche!”

“Yes,” I say.

“Fuck you,” Shawna says, getting up, and storming towards the door, bouncing off slightly when it doesn’t open.  “Apex, open the fucking god damn door.”

“She won’t.”  I respond.

“God damn security fucking protocols,” she walks back over.  “Give me my fucking knife.”

I fold it back in, and hand it to her gently, but as she reaches for it, I grasp her hand, “please.”

She flops back into the chair as I turn to Amelia, “I’m sorry.”  She just shakes her head, her normally tanned skin pale.

“I had hoped to get you both together in a less…..painful way.”  Shawna snorts but Amelia just shifts slightly in her chair, before saying, “Ya brought yer brothers into this.”

“Reluctantly for them.”

“Just get on with it then Brett,” Amelia says, and Shawna glares daggers at both of us before nodding raggedly.

“Well…..I’ve been thinkin’ a lot at night when I can’t sleep, especially after my sessions with Downs.  He thinks I need ta accept that I can’t change the past and only look towards the future, sothat’s what I’ve been doin’.”

“Captain Obvious.”

Calmly, I continue, “In order ta move forward, I…..I needed ta be truthful about a couple of things with the people I love the most, an’ I wanted ta start with ya two.”  I pause, “There’s no clear way, no easy way I guess I mean, on how ta say any of this, because its hard for me ta make sense of the dreams I have and what they mean……..and before you say something,” as they were both about to interject, “and whether they are predictive I guess…….or just the past or my desires or whatever normal people dream about.”

“Get on with it Brett,” and the flat tones of her Australian accent are a warning, and one I should heed.

“Fine, as an example, ya both know about the one I had where the Experion “infection” was revealed, which saved me, painful as that may have been, back at the zoo.  Well, neither of ya know the whole dream.”  They are both slightly drawn in, in their own way, Shawna’s leg draped over the arm of the chair, attempting to feign indifference.  Amelia sitting upgright in her chair, the recent training and old army habits re-asserting themselves as she unconcsiously braces for more made news.

“Amelia, ya know part, Shawna knows part from the team briefings.  The entire thing is too long, too detailed, but….I dreamed of ya both trying to help me, no matter how much it cost ya, and I dreamed of repaying that…..love…..with trying to infect ya both.”

“Since then, I’ve dreamed repeatedly of us……all of us.  Together.”

Their expressions….I read too much into them because I hope for too much.  “I should be more clear.  Together.  Married……..children.  Family.”  Hurriedly, I continue to get it out.   “I can’t tell you how much I want that.  I don’t have the words.  In those dreams, there’s no comparison, no contrast.  Ya are who ya are and I love ya both.  I can’t control it.  I don’t want ta control it.”

Shawna slowly stands, but leans over the corner into me, taking my face in her right hand, before kissing me deeply, and I relax slightly, but the short left jab to the face as she withdraws unexpectedly, splitting my lip as she caught me, for once, off guard.  “Fuck you.”  Then she walks out….and this time the door slides open.

I look at Amelia, licking the blood from lips that have already healed.  “Why?  After all this, why can’t ya just leave it alone.” She leans over, kissing my head gently, “I can’t do this anymore,” and she slides the ring off her left hand, leaving it sitting on the corner of the table as she follows Shawna out.”

I rub my hands through my hair, sighing……

“END SIMULATION, APEX.”

“SIMULATION COMPLETE.”

“Thank ya.  Please analyze the data and store for my review.  The important question remains, what is the likelihood of success assuming the correct variables.”

Apex’s voice is serious, if soft, “As previously stated, the variables have not made quantifiable changes in the success of such a plan, I still estimate only a 19.1% chance of success.”

I sigh, frustrated finally, “Fine.  Analzye all the observable base data since the Zoo incident, and the mission logs, for any possible way to increase the chances of success.  Save simulation BAABSP19 under my security code, my eyes only.  Append the analytical report later.”

The training center door opens and APEX walks in, “Brett….I need to remind you that my emotional and human interpretation protocols are still a work in progress.  My estimate of success is based continuously evolving protocols.”

I smile, “Mine too, Apex, mine too.”