“Hey, ya two ‘roos, we need ta talk.” I ignored their whiny expressions. “Fine, not about…. Shawna, ya fuckin’ probates.”
“Well, what then, Grandpa?” joked my youngest brother, Bryce as Brant chuckled.
“Least I don’t look like some worn out ball a skin……” Brant’s chuckled turned into a guffaw and Bryce and I looked at him as he howled with laughter.
“Are ya ok?” I asked. “It really wasn’t that funny of a’ insult,” and he laughed louder.
“I’m good, ya bloody wankers. Bryce with kids and then grandkids, bald and droopy wrinkly skin, and Brett still looking like……this. What? It’s funny.”
“Nice ta see ya pulled yer head out of yer arse an’ found yer humor again.”
“What’s that supposed ta…..”
“Look, how ’bout we discuss the purpose……..”
“Good luck today, kiddo,” I said ta my only daughter as she dressed ‘n her Red Widow suit. I couldn’t wait ta finally give her the armor Amelia had talked ta Titan about, an’ I modified. Christmas was in two days.
“Yer not goin’ ta tell me what’s goin’ on, are ya?” she replied.
“I’m not yer trainin’ officer, Livy. Better get goin’, yer uncle isn’t exactly forgivin’ about tardiness.”
After she left, Amelia glowered at me, “She may not be able ta read ya, but what are ya doin’ wit’ her today?”
“Her first mission ‘n “command.”
“What do ya mean, ‘n command? She’s fifteen Brett.”
I leaned into her, kissing briefly, well, that was the plan, but a few minutes later, as I drew back, a little breathless. “Think o’ it like a cadet, trainin’ ta be in command. But I gotta go, I’m not missin’ this. Bryce and Brant will be her subordinates for this little live mission an’ I’m goin’ ta watch up close, real quiet an’ sneaky like.” I lean in from behind the coach, twisting my neck in an impossible way, kissing her deeply, “and when I get back we can finish where we left off.”
“Well?” the tone is acidic.
“Well, nobody died,” I said.
“Nobody died? That’s yer fuckin’ response? Is she hurt?” She starts to move towards the door.
“What? Of course not, don’t ya think I’d of led with that? Nothing more than a few bruises, an’ some larger ones to her pride.”
She turned around, and I caught the fear driven rage in her eyes right before the slap caught me across the face. I could have avoided it but I’d sworn I wouldn’t use my powers on her. “God fuckin’ damn sheepfucking bodgy arselickin’ wanker.”
I grabbed her in a massive hug as she shook in frustration and anger. “‘melia, baby, I’m sorry, I was makin’ a joke.”
Muffled into my chest, “A fuckin’ joke, a fuckin’ joke. Ya know how hard it is to watch ya both go out there an’ not be part of it. Sittin’ here worryin’, wonderin’?”
“I’d have told ya if she’d been hurt.”
“Really? Like ya called me durin’ the scuba thing ta meet ya at the hospital? Like that mysterious call?”
“I……”
“Just shut up Brett.” I could feel her take a deep breath. “Just go…..somewhere else. I’m goin’ ta take a bath. And that’s not a fuckin’ invitation. Get the fuck out of here.” While the tone is quieter, its no less angry.
“Ok……” I walk to the door. “I really am sorry, ‘melia. I wasn’t thinkin’.”
“I know, Brett.”
I stalked down the hallway towards the rec room.
Of course, she was there, playing with little Robbie, just my fucking luck. “Trouble in paradise?” The sarcasm layed over the long hidden pain.
I took a deep breath, “Do ya really care or ya just stickin’ the switchblade in for fun?”
She started to retort, then paused, “Both.”
I took a breath, “Well, then, yea, I fucked up.” I looked at her intently. “Yet again, I didn’t think and I hurt someone I love. Seems to be a pattern. Maybe I’ll get to talk about it this time. Get a second chance. Probably will……Its not as bad as some mistakes I’ve made. One day maybe others will let me make….amends.”
I’d pushed it as far as I could. “Have fun Robbie. Ya can learn a lot of cool stuff from her.”
“Thank you Brett.” And with that I walked toward the stairs to head to the ramparts of the base. It was still fuckin’ weird to hear a baby speak in perfect English.
I had grabbed a bottle and a pack on the way through the bar. Old habits flared as I sat on the rampart looking west into the setting December sun. The cold breeze calmed me as a I smoked a single cigarette, and nursed a rather large glass of Shawna’s American whiskey.
I was still sitting there an hour later when I heard the slight scrape of gravel about thirty feet back. Very good, actually. Unlikely that anyone else would have heard her, maybe Brant. I set the rest of the pack on the ledge, and let a stream of spit go, and then another, and watched it dissolve the cigarettes and packaging into…..nothing, before it also etched lines into the old bricks.
She slowly crept closer. It had begun as a game, and it still was, but she was getting better.
“Why don’t ya grab that chair behind me and come sit for awhile.”
“Fuck a wallaby. When did ya hear me?”
“When da ya think, Livy?”
“When I opened the hatch? A gust of wind came up, an’…..”
“Yea, ye did good. It wasn’t the door, but ya slipped just slightly on the gravel as ya caught it.”
“Damn.”
“Still very good, kiddo. Gotta remember I cheat,” and I smiled at her, before just looking. I had no idea how I got so lucky to have her here with me, this amazing, spirited, mouthy, talented, hopeful teenager.
“How was the pos- mission debrief?”
“Ya didn’t listen?”
“I told ya I wouldn’t unless ya wanted my advice. Tryin’ not ta be a complete wanker, ya know?”
“But ya were watchin’ earlier, weren’t ya?” Bitterness and hope warred in her voice.
“Of course.”
“Don’t trust me yet, huh?” Bitterness won, but hope still rang.
“Of course, I trust ya. That’s got nothin’ ta do with it.”
“DAD!”
“Look, kiddo, I trust ya, an’ I trust yer uncles, or this shit woudn’t be happenin. That doesn’t mean I’m not goin’ ta watch an’ be aroun’. If ya can’t accept that, then maybe we have a problem. But……before ya get yer knickers in a twist, listen ta this part. Other Dad’s go watch soccer or real football, I guess probably even this fake American football, or swimmin’ or music or whatever. I come watch ya race an’ I get ta come watch ya kick ass.”
“Really, that’s all it is?” It hurt and pleases at the same time to hear the eagerness in her voice.
“How about that’s mostly what it is? Its still dangerous, Livy, an’ yer still younger than I was when I joined the army. Ya gotta accept the conditions…..an’ I’ll tell ya all the truth I can.”
We sat there for a few minutes before she said, “I accept, again.”
“I figured ya would. Want my feedback?”
“Is it really my choice?”
“Right now at this point, sure.”
“Then no, I don’t think so.”
“Fair dinkum. If ya change yer mind, ya know where I live.”
“Yer a bloomin’ arsehole, ya know that right, Dad.”
“I try.”
“Dad….?”
“Yea?”
“Thanks.”
“Hey, kiddo. Here’s a piece of truth for ya. We’ll be figuring this out as we go….an’ I’m super proud of ya. I know its been…….hard.”
A super communicative teenage grunt followed. “Can I have a drink?”
I down the rest of the glass, and pour a splash in, “A little I guess.”
“This tastes like……burning ass.”
“I’m not sure what burning ass tastes like, an’ don’t want ta know how ya do.”
“Funny.”
Last Dreams 