He’d taken longer than he’d meant while getting ready, especially with Allison waiting on him. Rarely did he feel……so mentally, maybe emotionally….not broken, but…..depleted. The last few days of constant pressure and action when they hadn’t even had a day off from their return from under the sea and this…..whatever this looming horror on this horizon. He couldn’t define it, so his mind was struggling. His mind needed to categorize everything…..and with this mental assault, if that’s what it was, he couldn’t. It had him questioning all things…..even little items like what fucking clothes to wear to take a damn walk with Allison.
Tonight had been a betrayal…….it had broken every shield he’d learned to build around himself. Every single one, and the fact that it hadn’t been a betrayal, the opposite in fact…..didn’t matter, the walls had all crumbled into mental dust, clogging his mind as a result and . . . he couldn’t even choose a fucking shirt to go with jeans and boots. Annoyed and impatient with himself, he finally just grabbed one, sliding it over his head and walked out into the hall.
She stood up from the table in the dining area as he clomped out of the hallway, smiling at him and he slowed, taking a cleansing breath. To him, it was like dawn breaking over the horizon on the perfect morning. Every time, he paused to appreciate it. Every single time.
Smiling in return, “Ready?” He couldn’t help but note that she was wearing green. Seemed appropriate, tonight, his favorite color. She always found small ways to cheer him up.
In answer she just walked, and he watched mesmerized, as she came to him, taking his hand, looking up, “Always.”
He took a deep breath, reveling in the touch of her hand before leading her to the elevator.
The elevator whooshed shut behind them as they exited onto the third floor. The Paragon Center could become a nightmarish confusion of classrooms, research labs, testing facilities, and who knew what else in the restricted sections. The third floor held a bunch of that, and more, but when he’d first arrived and gotten the courage to ask for a lab area to turn into a greenhouse, they’d given him one in an area off one relatively unused wing. At night, that wing never had anybody in it, which he’d valued almost as much as the lab itself. There was likely somebody on this floor somewhere, but not near them as he led Allison to the left and the lengthy walk to his…, yes, his…..laboratory. Nobody ever visited him in the lab. Well, almost nobody……..and he shook his gently since his mind kept throwing up exceptions, and he wanted to avoid his typical pedantic rut of being perfectly correct in what he said, and worse, thought. The hall lights flickered on as they walked…..until he just stopped. Taking a deep breath, he turned to her. In a last moment of mental delay, he wandered if anybody really understood how difficult it was to look someone in the eye when you were so much taller, but he didn’t want to step back, to lose physical contact with her and shout across the hall as the silence already felt . . .deafening. He blurted, “I’m sorry.”
She just quirked her head a bit, and he could see in her eyes that she wanted to ask what for, but she didn’t. Thankfully. “When we got back tonight, I knew, could feel, you reaching out to me, trying to include me in the team, but I couldn’t deal with the . . . ,” lost for words he stumbled to a stop, holding her hands, mouth working, his mind struggling for the perfect word. . .
Hesitant, not wanting to interfere, but understanding his difficulties perfectly because she had felt them flow through her at the moment he broke physical contact to walk away from her earlier, quietly she said, “tempestuous vortex of rage, sadness and disappointment?”
He smiled brilliantly at her, his mind screaming thank you, although all he said was . . . “I couldn’t deal with the tempestuous vortex of rage, sadness and disappointment.” He paused again, but his eyes danced with an expression of thanks, “When I asked Mick for leadership training, I did it because,” pausing for a moment, “I felt like that’s what a Whitaker should do. I wasn’t ready when he appointed me leader, or didn’t think I was ready. Which is why every time Felix picked at it, I became so defensive.” He sighed, “But…..as the weeks have gone by……I guess you don’t realize how much you want something until its gone, how much it mean to be the leader of the Rangers.”
“When it got ripped away, by text…….and, yea, who replaced me. Combined with the fact that Barbe might have been hurt. The thought that Mick had lost so much confidence in me,” another shuddering breath “to lose Mick’s confidence in me so totally for him to do that over text. . . .” Pain laced every word, and his hands trembled in hers, “To not even say it face to face.” He took a quavering breath. “See, even knowing it was all fake…..an illusion of some sort.” The words just wouldn’t come.
She was holding both his hands, but at nearly double arms length, so she started to pull him closer, “Lukas,” but he smiled, halfheartedly, before shaking his head just a bit and she stopped. He looked into her eyes, so achingly blue that he could get lost in them if he wasn’t careful, and part of him didn’t want to be that cautious.
“I need to,” he paused, another deep, trembling breath. “Hearing everybody’s support in the car, even Felix’s admission……it helped, a lot. You though, knowing you supported me….I shouldn’t have gone off alone. But…..all my life, really, that’s what I did. Went off alone.” He stopped again, searching her face for something, a hint maybe, of understanding, “To ride the ranch, to sleep under the stars, to study plants, because horses, cattle dogs and plants can’t talk back.”
His mouth worked. She didn’t need mystical powers to read a person’s so obviously emotional facial expressions, she gently prompted, gently squeezing his hands, “Now?”
He looked up at the ceiling, before looking back down at her, “Back home. Nobody,” a deep, gut-wrenching sigh “well, I learned to build all these walls around me because people didn’t look at me and see…..me. Shit, even teachers. I’m not stupid. I knew I got special breaks, special attention. That made it even more important that I follow all the fucking rules. I wasn’t just the sheriff’s kid. I was the sheriff’s kid where someone in our family’s been the sheriff more often than not since there was a damn county. I was the heir to the Crossed L. I was, ‘poor Lukas, son of Caroline who died because……” and he swallowed again. “In so many ways I had what everybody claims they want and all I wanted was to leave.”
“I know that’s not…..uncommon I guess. I also know I can’t tell the others, because it would be more of the poor rich white kid.” He paused briefly, before, “And what sucks ass is they wouldn’t be wrong. From what Felix has shared, or even what little Barbe has shared, I had a lot of good things, a lot of them.” Shaking his head, “Knowing that didn’t make it any less painful to be so lonely. Almost nobody seemed interested in knowing me. The ones who did were outcasts too, with nothing to gain….or more importantly nothing to lose by being with me. They didn’t care about the football, or the ranch, or the police.” A momentarily fond smile, “Which ended when my powers manifested of course. Point being I learned a long time ago to question why anybody would want to be my . . . friend, or anything else.”
“So I became friendly, and publicly polite, infinitely polite, and shielded myself on my own terms.”
She could see that he was talking, lost somewhat in the pain, but talking, so she just kept a light touch on his hands, which kept him talking to her. For him, Allison had been inside those self contained shields since the day she smiled at him when he first arrived, whether she recognized it or not.
“So I tried to run away again tonight, and I know I should apologize.” A shuddering deep breath, “I’m especially sorry that I ran away from you.” He squeezed both her hands tightly, gently, but still tightly in his massive paws. She didn’t flinch or move at the change.
“Everyone’s support tonight…..and then the way Barbe apparently yelled at Mick,” a broken chuckle escaped him and after a moment she laughed with him, the sounds of happiness relaxing him even more, “but most importantly I wouldn’t be here at all if it wasn’t for you. Every day you help me. Being with you, around you, that’s a big part of it, but I mean……with the team. You help me balance, especially when you disagree with me.” Lost a bit in memory he says, “I think when you disagree, or even hint at other things, even if the others don’t see it, for me that makes it even better when you do agree. If you only ever agreed with me, then of course that would be bad. But you don’t, I know that, and it makes me a far better team leader than I would have ever been without you.” He hesitated, “Maybe I shouldn’t say this,” and he stood straight, letting loose of one hand as he did so, “You were my motivation, from the first day I arrived and you smiled at me in introduction. I wanted to be the person who……deserved someone like you.” More quietly, “Not like you if I’m being honest, you. I wanted, needed, to deserve you.”
Abruptly, realizing they were standing still, he turned towards the lab, “I know you get a ton of bullshit for it too, for supporting me. Because they don’t see all the times you disagree, or maybe…who knows why. Jealousy, bitterness, their own self doubt. I don’t know why, because you are absolutely amazing, fun to hang out with, helping us all relax, and especially the fact that you are a horror film aficionado, an expert on clothing and style,” and he smiled brilliantly again. “When it comes to the Rangers, maybe its because all of them are so tied to how they can physically beat on people to achieve their aims, when I see you, helping us, guiding us, avoiding conflict or inspiring us all. What I know is I wouldn’t be half the leader I am without you helping me.”
He shrugged, pausing again outside the lab door, “But tonight, along with the last few days, made me realize that I’ve been waiting to show this to you, and well, I think we need fun and joy even more tonight than on some future perfect date, and……” he opened the door.
The lab and greenhouse had been laid out with the perfection of an obsessive mind bent on the perfection of form and function, utilizing every bit of space in the correct way. It should have provided a sense of openness, but instead so much vegetation and equipment gave off the impression of compressed space and urgency.
“Lukas, where…”
His demeanor had changed. Almost like a kid running through a candy shop to get at the favorite chocolate, he pulled her along, but there was a slight tension running through his hand. An expectance.
He pulled her deeper into the greenhouse and the temperature changed, slightly warmer, a bit more humidity as they crossed a section of plastic sheathing that didn’t quick entirely cut off the rest of the room, but enough apparently for a gradient of change. Inside he kicked a loose blanket back onto the pallet where he sometimes fell asleep, at least before……well, before the experiment had borne fruit about a month ago. He’d been so anxious before then, and if he was honest with himself anyway, annoyed with other people, but he hadn’t wanted to miss anything during the early experiments.
They passed around some more shelving and and a few old sturdy lab tables currently vacant and cleaned, waiting patiently to be used for experimentation, pulling her in front of him. Before them stood a bank of flowers, in various stages of growth and bloom. To the right, along the wall, near the small pallet, a laptop and several monitors glowed with power and colored geometric shapes, displaying formulas and genetic diagrams, splicing information, notes.
In center of the bank of growing plants and flowers, a specimen spread its full blooming glory encased in glass. The colors of the petals spread fully in the the shape of a five pointed star, running from a fiery flaming orange on the outer rim, slowing paling in color to the softer glow of a pale goldenrod in the middle, a softly glowing sun at the ball of the flower.
“I started this experiment the first time you smiled at me, which was the day we met of course.” He watched her taking in the scene in front of her, moving around the case, breathing in the scents of the plants around it, reaching out to touch them. “Took awhile to get it right. I’ve done easier splinters of roses before, so . . . officially, its a derivative of a rose, so be careful, there are thorns on the very lowest part of the stem. But its strong, resistant to a variety of temperatures and conditions, can grow in almost any soil, even sandy soil.” He smiled at her back, “Strong, beautiful and resistant, like its inspiration. I think it would be perfect for a cliff or hill overlooking a beach maybe. I think its quite beautiful of course. No true match for the original inspiration, because who could match perfection, but I tried anyway. It’s name is Affinity’s Star.” He ground to a halt. She hadn’t really said anything, and he started to doubt . . . a bit of his excitement ebbing away as she stood in front of the bank of flowers. “I mean……we could call it something…..uhm, you could……I mean, of course if you’d like a different name.”
When she turned back to him, her smile and the blaze in her eyes diffused any nervousness. “It’s stunning, Lukas. I . . . don’t want to change a thing. It’s perfect.”
She stepped into him, turning her face up and he half sat back against the empty lab table behind him. She kissed him. Hunger and desire surged through him. Need. Lust but more than that. Acceptance. Understanding? Passion pulsed through him as she broke away, looking into his eyes, hers so bright, the perfect blue of an ocean that he could get lost in forever.
He leaned forward, kissing her, and his hands groped downward, grabbing her under the swell of her ass, pulling her half onto him where she ground against him. Suddenly these jeans were far too tight.
With one hand under her, he pushed his other up under her shirt at the same time that her hand got the buttons of his jeans undone.
How had he not noticed that she didn’t have a bra on, as his hand caressed an erect nipple. Her moan drove him insane, and he leaned back enough to get both hands to pull her shirt up, the tan lines of her favorite bikini becoming very visible in the greenhouse lighting. For the briefest moment his eyes lingered on the contrast of the outline of what was normally hidden.
Rock hard……need pulsed, and his eyes glowed with power, and the air in the greenhouse changed, turning, the smell of an oncoming summer storm as the ozone sizzled with the the crack of electricity. Then she shoved his jeans down, kneeling before him, catching him by surprise. It didn’t take long before he groaned “Allison”, wanting to let go, holding, but she didn’t stop and the storm exploded, flickers of lightning flashing around his eyes.
“Two can play that way.” They’d been there before but this was different. He couldn’t explain it as he kicked his boots and jeans away, kissing her as she continued to stroke him. He lifted her onto the lab table as vines snaking down to grab her wrists, then he lifted her until the vines held her in the air as he pulled her jeans off, slowly caressing the inside of her thighs with his lips, tasting her wetness, gently flicking with his tongue as she moaned his name, her thighs shuddering around his head.
Slowly he lowered her down into his arms, kissing her, driving his tongue into her mouth before she could say anything, pushing her down until she lay half on her side on the solid wood of the lab table, and then his long fingers entered, stroking. Before today he’d been hesitant to explore too far, but something drove him to throw caution away.
He had long, delicate fingers, great for many things, and even then his mind started to splinter as it often could, but she moaned into his mouth, and then with tongue and fingers he penetrated her in all ways. He had no sense of time passing until she screamed wordlessly, thighs clenching again around his hand.
He kissed her throat, as she shuddered again, but her hand was around him, and he didn’t want to stop, so when she whispered, “It’s a good start……” his mind refused to . . . .
“Start?”
She kissed him, sliding to the edge of the table.
He didn’t know what…..it didn’t matter, he picked her up, and she wrapped her legs around.
He could feel her heat, and, he never understood how useful yoga could be until he slowly sank to the ground, still holding her, until he was on his back and she lay astraddle him.
He knew he had to be careful . . . experience had taught him he had to be careful but as she slowly guided him in, caution and torture combined.
She sank down, shuddering, until her slickened, taut flesh parting in order to tightly envelop his engorged cock.
She slowly slid her way down, not quite settling upon his hips before her eyes shift to his, her tremors slowing.
Her blue eyes, locked on his, glowed a brilliant blue, glazing with ardor. “Now.” It was a moan, command and whisper at the same time.
He thrust upward and she whimpered, before screaming his name, and then she took control and he was more than happy to let her, gasping her name over and over.
They went for hours……and seconds. Time blurred.
He felt her shudder more than once, and he couldn’t count his expulsions as it felt like every living thing danced with them in the greenhouse. But they didn’t stop, over and over they experimented as time flowed around them.
He had to have dreamed when the vines tightened around her wrists, while he held her legs against his chest, as pollen and petals floated on the air, falling across them.
His eyes flashed open, the darkness lit by the computer screens, the computer time showing 3:43 AM. He hadn’t dreamed everything then. She lay naked in his arms, the blanket from the pallet wrapped around them, a bed of . . . vines and flower petals under them. In the darkness the lab looked different, overgrown?
He hadn’t meant to wake her but……he could sense the change in her breathing……”Allison?”
“Hmm…..” and she turned to him, lying on her back, while her hand rested….on something else.
He started to ask about the vines….but then, “You are so . . you are the angel of the sun descending to break the dawn.” He felt her giggle.
Then he kissed her, at first lightly, and then more passionately until a few minutes later, breathing heavily, “Lukas…” The slight hiss of pain . . . instantly worry coursed through him, even though her hand didn’t move.
He didn’t want to ask. “Did I……”
“Nothing I didn’t want to do.”
He thought about it for a moment. “Do you trust me?” By now her hand was slowly stroking him again, and he was more than ready.
“Of course, its just . . . .” he kissed her, his hand moving downward, slowly stroking, and as arousal stirred, heat filled his palm and her thighs felt warmth and it was his turn to hiss……”Damn . . . that . . . son of a bitch that hurts.”
“Lukas…….” the moan of his name enflamed him once more.
A few moments of shuddering deep breaths, but his hand kept moving, teasing at her wetness and she no longer hissed in pain.
Instead she moaned again, and pulled him on top and into her.
Last Dreams 